ArissPublicationsEbooks: March 2009

Mark O ‘Reardon

During my life, beginning at the time I was a very young child, I found myself questioning, what was the reason that people did the things they did the way they did, and if they could not find better simpler ways to do the same things. This led me to a lot of thought on the subject which I found very hard to bounce off anybody for feedback as my peers and even to my surprise the adults around me seemed to think it was a crazy concept and that if you weren’t braking your back working that you weren’t much use to anybody least of all yourself. As time went on I was absorbed into the workforce through necessity as my mother was a lone parent of nine children and we all had to pull our weight. I never stopped thinking about this but I did get into the habits of the so called real world and by that I mean to be driven by all of the things that weren’t about me but were all about, as I later learned “what was expected of me”. As time went on I became a really expert player in the do what you’re expected to do show. The positive side of all this is that I learned to be quite a perfectionist and extremely good at various skills and also a quick learner with an aptitude for being thrown in at the deep end and coming up trumps. All through this time I often wondered still if there was a better way but as time progressed it seemed to become more distant and out of reach. With the experience I had gained in ways of the world and business, I had an opportunity to change and go to live in a foreign country, Italy. This was going to be a whole new opportunity to make things better. At first it was really great because I was being presented with new challenges every day .I had to learn a new job as a buyer for an international company I had to learn a new language and make new friends. As usual I had no problem with any of these things in fact I was a great success .What I didn’t realize was that I was doing exactly the same things as before just in a different place. By this time I had two young children and life seemed to be progressing nicely. I was making more money I was gaining a lot of new experience and I was doing all the things that were expected of me. Just one thing was wrong, I still wasn’t doing what I wanted to do and I still didn’t know what that was exactly. I had gained a lot of contacts and was in a position to change again so I decided to set up my own company in Italy. I was starting again but that didn’t frighten me as I knew that I could make it. The next few years were hard work and in this time my third child was born his name is Adam and he was my first son after two daughters Laura and Alice. My business began to prosper and things got tougher and tougher. I was in a mode of do or die because I had started and was not going to give up till I got to where I wanted to be even if at that time I had no idea of where that was. I needed help to plan things better but I was too busy on the treadmill to even think about what or who could help me .I was in a situation where I had no quality time with my family as my office was under my house. I now had four children including Margaret. The stress grew and grew and it was affecting my wife and family but they couldn’t do anything to help as it was me who had put myself in the situation in the first place and I couldn’t see how I was going to get out of it. I started to resent the fact that I had the responsibility of my family and that the only reason I was in this situation was to maintain their lifestyle. I was blaming everybody for my situation and I felt I had no choices. I eventually lost everything I had in Italy my family my business and Italy which I also dearly loved. I came back to Ireland after twelve years and started again. This time I decided that I would need to change some things about the way I looked at life and what I wanted out of it. I realized for the first time that I had a choice. Firstly I got a job working for”somebody else”. This was a great relief and I had no problem with it as I had decided to give myself a break and some time to reflect. I started to look around and I noticed that there were things I could do that actually interested me not just as money making ventures but things that I could enjoy. I went to a local college which ran evening courses and enquired about the possibility of teaching Italian. ( My Italian is that good I told you I was a perfectionist) A few months later I got a call from them to ask if I was still available. Of course I was. I soon started teaching Italian and getting paid for it wow. I was so nervous for the first class that I could hardly speak for ten minutes but I soon got over it. I really enjoy teaching and it got me thinking if I could make use of my talents in some other more serious ways. I really felt that I was starting to realize where I wanted to go for the first time in my life. In the next few months I started to take an interest in personal development after having bought a Paul McKenna book on a whim. I became really interested in the whole area and wondered if I could become a coach. I am not a very analytical facts and figures type of person and it really doesn’t interest me to become one. I am more of an intuition, improvisation, camelion like get the job done in an original way type. The thought of reading, going to class and writing projects or essays is all very challenging for me. I wondered at first if it could be done, so it took me a while to actually act on it. The fact that I didn’t have the money at the time to get onto a course was also a deciding factor or at least something in my head was telling me that. Eventually I got the phone number of Mary Curran from a friend and I called her. She seemed ok so we arranged to meet. I got a good feeling from that meeting and was accepted onto the course. I was able to come to an arrangement about money with her that was acceptable and that was that.

During the course I have been learning a lot of things, firstly about myself and how I am perceived by others .This is something that I never really gave that much thought at least not in the same way as I am now. And just as I have been observed by other people I have been observing and learning also. I have learned that most of the people on the course have reached a stage in their lives where they want to stop avoiding the real issues and want to take action to make their lives better. Most people know that they need to do something but they don’t know how to do it. I think that the people on the course have reached a higher level than the average person in that they are doing something about that and are willing to be open enough, firstly to admit that they need assistance and secondly to step out of their comfort zone. During the process of learning to be a life coach we first need to understand what it is like to take part in a coaching session as a client. I think from that experience I have learned quite a lot. There is a lot to learn but ultimately it’s the hands on coaching and being coached that is important to me.
I think the most important part of the whole concept of coaching is the idea that people have to take responsibility and control of their own lives and stop letting outside factors or gremlins (which ultimately are outside factors even though they seem to be talking to us from inside) influence where we want to be. In order for us to know where we really want to be we need to look at our values and then our goals and see do they match in ideology .This is fundamental and a lot of the issues that people have stem from an imbalance between the two resulting in endless conflict between what they would love to be doing and what they are actually doing with their lives .The reason people do this is because they feel they don’t have a choice. This is a learned way of thinking. Since the day we were born we have learned all of the things we do and think, the things that have molded us and made us who we are and protected us. This ability to learn by experience and repetition, adjusting our behavior or even our whole personality to our surroundings, is truly amazing and is the reason we are here today as a species. There is one hitch and that is that this works both ways, it can be very good for us or it can be very bad for us. Our conscious mind is what sees the world but it is our sub conscious that actually guides us and gets us to where we tell it we want to go. If our conscious mind which is influenced by outside factors or beliefs is constantly focusing on the negative or detrimental, this is the message that the subconscious receives and the order it will obey no matter what. The effects of this can lead us to making decisions which are not in our best interest .The upside of this is that the exact opposite can be achieved when the message sent by the conscious mind is in our best interest. Coaching at a superficial level is goal setting and getting focused but there is a lot more to it than that .It involves looking at ourselves “now” evaluating goals, values, needs, and self limiting beliefs, and examining how outside influences are running us. Also how we can set boundaries to protect us and how we can ultimately give more of everything to the world around at no cost to us, and get it back a hundred fold, thereby improving the quality and the direction of our lives and our interactions with others. All of this involves change and that is the hardest part for many people as the comfort zone always seems an easier option but often an option that causes us to tolerate situations and beliefs which are no good for us and block our progress.

I have particularly enjoyed being coached. During my sessions as the client I have learned a few things about myself. One of these was that I really need to open up more in order to make myself more accessible to the people around me and to give of myself more freely. This issue was quite emotional for me as it was something I had been skirting around for most of my life. It also helps me to understand possible situations that my clients may be in.
Coaching pro bono was and is a huge eye opener also, because now that I had learned a little about the theory I was going to put it into practice. I was pleasantly surprised that any fears were ill founded and that it all went quite well. It is by no means easy because you are always tempted to suggest or lead but you know that you can’t as the solution must belong to the client. In this way he or she is more likely to act upon it. I think a brilliant coach has firstly the ingredients like compassion, intuition, balance, patience etc but practical hands on experience is paramount.

I believe that I have what it takes to be a good coach now and that as time goes on I will, through practice, become a very good coach. I think that if I am doing a job that I love, it will come out in my work and my abilities will improve more and more as a result. I believe that the people who are truly brilliant at any discipline aren’t born brilliant but because they are doing something they are excited about they give it more, consciously and unconsciously and as a result they get more satisfaction from their work thus they are motivated even more. I have learned a tremendous amount from this course and the books I have been reading .The most important part of it all as far as I am concerned, is what I have learned about myself and what I need to work on, or in Anthony Robbins words “What I need to unlearn” in order to reach the next level. The next level for me represents putting what I have learned into practice in a way that my coaching clients can feel comfortable and inspired by what they see in me and as a result they will have the courage to change what they wish to change within themselves, without fear or self doubt getting in the way. I believe that the first step towards brilliance in any field comes from within, and the process begins with the belief that one is adequate in every sense. Brilliance is about acceptance of ones inner beauty and allowing that inner self to shine. When we accept ourselves as we truly are we begin to project our real inner selves and we quit looking for answers or approval from external sources. This helps us to focus on the beauty within ourselves and what surrounds us and to project unconditional love, which returns to us tenfold. This is the kind of brilliance that I want to achieve, it is a goal that has real value both for me and for the people who will have contact with me. The benefits of this kind of achievement go far beyond mere financial or material gain and make our lives really worthwhile. My goal is to love what I do and through this to realize the great potential that is within me.

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